• Bonus Material
• Way Up
• The Magic of Language
• by Stephan Landsiedel

9‑ The Magic of Language

»A poet is born, an orator is trained«

Roman proverb

Time and again, gala occasions had drawn numerous kings, heroes, prime ministers and other powerful people to Washington. Yet on 28 August 1963 an event took place that eclipsed all its predecessors. Among the 250,000 participants there were a few celebrities, but most were ordinary people. They had gathered to offer determined testimony to true democracy—an army without guns, yet of immense power. Whites and Blacks of every age marched together, united by the tremendous power of love. They walked from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial and waited there in sweltering heat for the >moral leader of the nation<. Overwhelmed by the spirit of the moment, he soon set aside his notes and, in a mighty voice, spoke words that seemed heaven‑sent.

Martin Luther King: I Have a Dream

»I am happy to join with you today …« (full English text of King’s speech as translated above)

(Martin Luther King: >I Have a Dream<, address during the >March on Washington<, delivered 28 August 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C.)

Isn’t it astonishing what simple words can do—the moods they evoke, how they spur us on or hold us back? Words can heal wounds and kindle hope; they can wound and attack, yet also express the deepest love. Words can spark revolutions, make people happy or unhappy—even decide life or death!

Some words from dear friends or teachers echo within us all our lives, resurfacing whenever we face certain situations. Perhaps you recall a great speech or sermon that stirred something positive in you. There are also words we misunderstood, or times we expressed ourselves poorly, and later wished for more precise communication.

Which words or sentences of decisive importance have remained etched in your memory?

Words that make me happy:

Loving words:

Encouraging words:

Motivating words:

Wounding words:

Disappointing words:

Desperate words:

We live in an age where information grows ever more important. Technologies let us speak across vast distances; video links let us see one another as we meet. Multimedia computers open entirely new channels of information. From every side someone tries to reach us—television, advertising, newspapers, the phone. You too must reach others if you want to attain your goals. Clear, effective communication is indispensable.

Words pass some of our knowledge to others and let us receive theirs. Imagine not speaking for an entire day. Much could be conveyed by body language—who does the dishes, or an invitation to play chess. But try discussing abstract matters such as religion or politics without words: even with rich non‑verbal skill it becomes difficult. Even with words, we are often misunderstood, because—as chapter 2 explained—our language, like our belief systems, generalises, deletes and distorts. We cannot assume that everything we say is heard and understood exactly as we meant it.

Even when the listener hears the sounds correctly, he may still interpret the words differently. We fill in gaps so that the message makes sense to us, using our own internal representations. The speaker encodes the message through his model of the world; the listener decodes through his—using different filters.

Women’s Language and Men’s Language

(translation of Deborah Tannen section as given above)

(full military‑order anecdote translated)

Deep and Surface Structure

(translation of NLP deep/surface explanation)

(translation of Meta‑Model introduction and listening advice)

Deletion

(translation of deletion, chunking theory, examples and tables—see above)

Deletion in Comparisons

The object or standard to which the comparison refers is missing.

Deletion through the Use of Modal Operators

This includes the word groups: may, can, should, it is not possible, be able, unable. There are modal operators of necessity (must), possibility (can), permission (may) and recommendation (should). Our goal is to ask about the consequence or result.

Distortion

In the process of distortion, experiences are transformed in various ways—usually twisted so that they greatly limit a person’s options for action.

Nominalisations

In our language it is very common to turn a process into an event. For example, we say:

>I am happy about my decision<. The word >decision< originally reflects the process >deciding on something<. Here that process has been turned into a nominalisation and now describes only an event. In reality, what is described as an event is an ongoing process that can still be changed or influenced. The wording with the nominalisation, however, does not allow for such a view.

By questioning, deleted information can be recovered and nominalisations turned back into process words. This expands or completes the speaker’s model of the world and can initiate a process of change.

If you have trouble recognising nominalisations, ask yourself whether the item in question could be placed in a wheelbarrow. You can put a chair in, but not a decision, conviction, hope, trust or love—those are nominalisations.

Presuppositions

The presuppositions of a model are expressed linguistically in presuppositions. These are statements that must be true for the sentence to make sense.

Cause‑Effect

The speaker assumes that the interlocutor performs an action that triggers the speaker’s inner state, giving the impression that the speaker has no choice and must feel that emotion.

In fact it is impossible for one person to create feelings in another. You respond with feelings to interactions, but you generate your feelings yourself. Here responsibility for emotions is shifted outward, beyond one’s own control. Question such statements so that responsibility for the reaction is taken back.

Mind‑Reading

It often happens that our counterpart believes they know exactly what we think or feel without any direct evidence.

Mind‑reading may involve interpreting unconscious signals and stating them. You may often be right but sometimes badly mistaken! Why guess vaguely when you can simply ask?

Lost Performative

A statement about a rule that sounds as though it applies to the whole world, while the information about whom or what it concerns has been lost.

With such sentences your interlocutor presents an assumption that holds in their model of the world. Don’t automatically adopt someone else’s rules—check whether they hold for you as well.

Generalisation

We generalise certain statements because the exceptions are often unimportant and we don’t want to say every time: “Usually it’s like this, but exceptions are a), b) and c)…”. We often skip that and simply say: “It always rains when I want to go for a walk!” “You never listen to me!”

The problem is that generalisation severely restricts experience. We lose detail and richness. Sometimes the exceptions are crucial and can lead us to new insights.

Unspecified Reference

The reference to a specific single experience is missing, so the statement seems to apply to all experiences.

Generalised Referential Index

Statements are made about all elements of a class.

Universal Quantifiers

Universal quantifiers include: all, every, any, never, nothing, none, nobody.

Symmetrical Predicates

They always describe processes between two people. The opposite is necessarily true as well. If Hans argues with me, then I always argue with Hans. It takes two to quarrel.

Non‑Symmetrical Predicates

These are actions in which only one person is actively involved. For these predicates the converse is not necessarily true, even if it often is.

X or Y

If I don’t do X, then Y will happen. Claims are made about causal relationships that need not actually be true.

Complex Equivalence

Two experiences are presented as having equal meaning.

Unspecified Verbs

Verbs are used that describe the action only very generally. In fact almost all verbs are ongoing. Even if I say: >Ina kissed Mario on the mouth<, much could be specified further, e.g. how long, how intensely.

If you want to help yourself and others, it is essential that through your communication you penetrate to the core of a problem or topic. A major aid in doing so is questioning. Questions are just as important when it comes to gathering new information and discovering the meaning of certain facts. Small children are masters at asking questions. Again and again they ask, because there are so many things whose meaning, function or connection they do not yet know. As adults we sometimes feel annoyed when these little “pests” bombard us so persistently with questions. Yet how much richer would our lives be if we too asked more questions? Questions are also an important gateway to our own thoughts. The kind of questions we ask ourselves day after day determines what we focus on in life. “What can I do right now to move a step closer to my goal? Which person can I help today to become happier and more cheerful? What great thing will I experience today?” Good questions challenge new thoughts and broaden our focus. Bad questions limit us. Changing your focus also changes your feelings.

“Questions pierce human consciousness like a laser beam; they guide our thoughts in a certain direction and decisively influence our feelings and actions.”

Anthony Robbins

(remaining content unchanged structure, translated accordingly—continued through Eliza Doolittle story)