Really Using NLP

The Modeling of the Best NLP Implementers

This six-part modeling of the NLP “high-flyers” was first published in August/September 2012 in a newsletter.

If you’re learning NLP, you want to truly apply it! You sense that the method can potentially transform your life entirely. At the same time, you observe many people who learn NLP yet hardly change their lives afterward. Why is that? What’s the difference? Why does it work for some and not for others?

To figure this out, I modeled the high achievers. In the pages that follow, I’ll teach you the strategy they use to fully integrate NLP into their lives. That should be interesting for anyone studying NLP, regardless of where they’ve trained. If you have friends learning NLP, send them this modeling—they’ll thank you!

Truly Using NLP:

The Modeling of the Best Implementers

So you’ve decided to learn NLP and get the biggest return from it—amazing, but not always easy. I’ve been training NLP students for over twenty years and often see participants beginning with tons of enthusiasm and high expectations but failing to reach the outcome they hoped for. Meanwhile, in each course, there are people who make magic with NLP: they apply it immediately, use it all the time, and emerge with an incredible new life. What’s their secret?

I modeled five of these “NLP high-flyers,” and I’ll reveal their strategy step by step. It’s surprising—if it were obvious, everyone would do it! Let me give you a little about these five: they’re diverse in age and gender, some are Master-level, others are Coaches or Trainers, some trained with me, others with different trainers. Three practice NLP as their main occupation now, while two use it on the side. All of them incorporate NLP daily—privately and professionally. All say learning NLP was among their best decisions.

What They Do Differently

The biggest difference lies in the kind of goal they hold for their NLP training. Sure, everyone has a goal—but what is it specifically? Many have personal aims, which is important; others set fresh, short-term goals each weekend (which is also good). But the best formula is something else:

These models hold an overtly professional goal and a personal goal in the background, with four key properties:

It’s a professional/profession-related objective
It’s also a personal objective
The goals are big enough to span the entire duration of the training
The professional goal clearly stands in the foreground—even if it isn’t necessarily more important

The first three are self-evident. The fourth is puzzling. Let me restate: the two objectives have equal importance, and sometimes the personal one matters more to them personally. By “foreground,” I mean that, each training weekend, they bring their work-related goal forward: that’s the theme they use in small-group exercises, and it’s why they volunteer for demos. The professional focus is their vantage point for all NLP techniques.

Meanwhile, they work on their personal goal via self-coaching, one-on-one coaching, or in the time between sessions.

Why is that beneficial? Work goals typically aren’t so deeply personal, so it’s easier to open up in a training setting. Also, more NLP techniques apply to a professional scenario than might apply for a personal issue (for instance, consider all the communication tools that are valuable in a job context).

These professional targets were sizable—for three, it was building a new career, for one, it was a shift in direction (could be within an existing position), and for another, it was broadening their business. The personal goals varied more: from health to relationships, to tackling fears, to parenting, to self-development.

The second secret is how they apply NLP from the start…

Truly Using NLP:

How to Apply It Effectively!

Here’s part two of how to fully use NLP. This time, it’s about how these “models” have been applying it from the get-go. Everyone who studies NLP knows you have to practice. Yet most don’t actually do it—strange! So let’s look at what the models do differently.

First note: four of the five rarely attended any NLP practice group. That doesn’t mean skipping a practice group is better. They started applying NLP daily—right away. Their five main secrets:

They apply NLP to themselves
They apply NLP in their jobs—with the same people they’re already working with
Initially, they use NLP for smaller issues
They share NLP from the very beginning
They apply NLP in daily life

They Apply NLP to Themselves

As you know, they have a professional objective in the foreground and a personal one in the background. They prefer to address their professional goal in class, and the personal one mostly with self-work. Every NLP technique can be self-applied. Some ways:

You can run a technique on yourself with two roles—coach and client, using two chairs or distinct positions in the room. On the “coach” position, you decide the next step. Then you move to the “client” position, follow that instruction, give feedback, then switch back, etc.
You can use a written approach—like reading a scripted dialogue. This is basically you playing both roles, typed out in two columns (“Coach” | “Client”).
You can lead yourself through any format in a trance or “guided fantasy.” Record yourself delivering the steps, leaving intervals of silence, then listen back as if it’s an NLP audiobook.
You can do it all in your mind—like a mental roleplay with both sides.
Or you can do the format directly, fully associating as client, but guiding yourself from memory.

Concrete Questions:

Which personal issue are you dealing with right now?
Which NLP format could you use to address that by running it on yourself?

They Apply NLP in Their Jobs—With People They Already Interact With

It’s straightforward, but seldom used. From day one, they bring what they learn in training into their workplace. It’s typically easier to start at work than in your private life—relationships at work may be less complicated, plus you have more potential “targets.” Obviously, you’re not doing an entire biographical format with a colleague. But you can use the smaller NLP “tweaks” that ease everyday communication, presentations, or projects.

Concrete Questions:

Which specific business situation can you apply an NLP tool to in the next 48 hours?
With whom exactly?

Initially, They Apply NLP to Smaller Issues

Because you’ll need a lot of mental energy to follow each step, you start with manageable concerns. Although you might see large, life-changing demos in class, the models often begin with simpler topics themselves.

Concrete Question:

What small issues or challenges in your life can you tackle with NLP right now?

They Share NLP From the Outset

“If you really want to learn something, teach it.” The models do exactly that—passing on their knowledge to others from day one. Teaching is at least as instructive for you, the teacher, as it is for your “student.”

Concrete Questions:

To whom could you teach some NLP right now?
What (knowledge, techniques, or specific processes) could you share?

They Integrate NLP Into Everyday Life

If your NLP practice relies on a special environment or routine, you might not do it often. The models weave it into daily living. They don’t need special time or settings.

Concrete Question:

In which daily scenarios can you incorporate or practice some NLP techniques?

If You Study NLP, Then Do It Completely!

Another piece of the puzzle is how the models treat the timeframe of the training. Typically, an NLP education runs two years: a year for Practitioner, a year for Master. Possibly three if you also do Trainer or Coach. Is that short or long?

Compared to a typical vocational training or a college degree, it’s short—compared to your 12–13-year schooling, it’s minuscule. Yet two years is a big chunk of time. The models realize that 2 out of 80 years (the approximate human lifespan) is 1/40—2.5%. Not huge, but not negligible either!

Hence, they fully dedicate those two years to NLP, wholeheartedly. Many learners do “some NLP” for two years, but the models treat those two years as their NLP years. During that period, their life is about NLP. They read NLP books, discuss it, see everything as an NLP opportunity, wholeheartedly—then eventually that phase closes, and NLP recedes into the background. Another topic takes center stage—maybe a different method, new job, child, health, or relationship.

Typically, the models wholeheartedly commit to new topics later in life too, but for the moment, they treat the “NLP years” as a total immersion. That’s how they integrate and master it.

In my own experience, I’ve gone “all in” many times—on Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, on the “Storycode,” etc. Each time, I immersed myself for a year or two, then moved on. All those topics remain important to me, but in the background. Meanwhile, NLP has remained a continuous presence for me these last thirty years—and it’s fueled countless new adventures.

My wish is that you also go “all in” with NLP, intensively enjoying and exploring it for however long your training runs—2–3 years, maybe. It’s just 2.5% of your life, but can set the foundation for many future endeavors.

That was the Level-IV trick. Next, let’s see the Level-V trick: “Where do the models get their self-confidence?” Finally, we’ll look at “the erotic side of learning NLP”...

“I Am Good at NLP”: The Models’ Resource

You likely remember: the models keep a professional and personal objective. They’re also already applying NLP effectively, day after day. They devote 2 years to it fully—and maintain strong confidence in their ability. How? Many new NLP students realize that they have to practice but feel unsure at the start. They might think, “I don’t want to do it wrong.”

Notably, “If you’ve never done something, why would you expect to be good at it right away?” sums it up. But the models have a more advanced approach: They keep the self-image “I am good,” separate from their actual skill at new tasks.

People often merge them: If they can’t do something yet (skill, Level III), they feel “I’m no good” (belief/self-image, Level IV or V). The models avoid that trap by using a strong reference experience from a different domain in which they’re already skilled (previous or current job, or a specialized skill—medicine, music, sport, therapy, sales, etc.). They highlight these two differences:

Similarity: Learning. They focus on the fact that they successfully learned that other skill, even if it was tough at first. So they can generalize the belief “I can learn,” “I am good.” (They merge levels advantageously.)
Difference: The content. The reference skill is unlike NLP content-wise. This is crucial. Some people approach NLP as “like something else” they already know—so they fail to appreciate how new it actually is. The models keep them distinct, preserving curiosity and open-mindedness.

Concretely, you can replicate their approach:

Pick something in your life you learned and became very good at (it might be a job skill, or a personal pursuit like cooking, sports, music, craft, or art—ideally with a strong practical component).
Revisit that success and realize: “I can learn, and I learn well. I’m good.” Let that confidence bleed into your NLP training.
Keep them separate content-wise: NLP is something new, as different from your reference area as possible, so you remain fully open.
Affirm yourself: “Yes, I’m good at learning, and now I’m learning NLP—something fresh.”

Then, for each uncertain moment—like doing an exercise with a partner—bring back that reference skill. Possibly mention it out loud, letting others sense your confidence. That reduces tension and encourages you to experiment in exercises with more self-assurance.

The Eroticism of Learning

Let’s talk about “the erotic side of learning”—an unusual, rarely mentioned topic. It’s well-known that emotions matter in learning, and that positivity fosters better recall. One of the strongest positive emotions is love.

So how does this tie in with learning? You want an emotional connection with your teacher or trainer. Let’s call it the “archetype of the Lover.” Good modeling (the essence of NLP training) is impossible without it. In short: you’ll learn most effectively if you develop a kind of “crush” on your teacher.

That might sound shocking, because we usually treat learning as rational or academic. But if it were purely rational, none of us would have the passion to truly master things.

The models do it this way:

They pick a teacher/trainer they genuinely like.
They consciously allow themselves to admire the trainer—to adore them a bit, in a respectful sense. Their guiding mantra is, “I want to be like you!” That fosters a deep emotional link, enabling them to absorb a lot beyond the purely intellectual.
They remain aware this is just a mental framework to aid in learning. They can “switch it on/off” via their self-management (“the Ruler archetype”).
After the training period, they typically become more critical, seeing the teacher’s flaws. Then they can see the teacher as a nuanced human.

In my own experience, I “fell in love” with all my teachers, wholeheartedly admiring them. Later, I saw them more critically, then eventually as multifaceted people with strengths and weaknesses. Yet from each, I learned a ton, for which I’m grateful. One participant famously termed it “the pedagogical Eros.” Precisely!

I hope you find ways to harness that approach in your own learning.

It Begins with You!

What differentiates people who gain immense value from their NLP training? We’ve come to the final part of this modeling. By now, you likely have a strong sense of these individuals:

At lower logical levels, they apply each technique effectively (Part 2).
At Level 4, they have that double-goal approach (Part 1) and treat it as “NLP years” (Part 3).
At Level 5 (Self-Image), they trust they’re good (Part 4).
At Level 6 (Belonging), they adopt the Lover archetype and connect with the teacher (Part 5).
And at all levels, the initiative comes from them (Part 6).

Summarizing the last point: They are “initiatory.” That might sound obvious: you must be proactive to succeed. Indeed, signing up for an NLP course is a proactive choice. But as soon as some learners walk in, they revert to a passive “classroom” persona. Years of schooling taught them to be docile.

The models break that pattern. They never slip into the typical teacher-student dynamic. They see their trainer as a partner in their own success. They treat their training not like “school” but more like a personal quest, or an entrepreneurial venture, or a creative hobby, etc.

If you want to replicate this, it’s straightforward: be mindful of how you “frame” your NLP training. If you subconsciously equate it with “school,” you may stifle your initiative. Instead, put it in categories like “sport,” “adventure,” “career development,” “creative challenge.” Then it’s natural to remain active, self-directed, and in charge of your progress.

Here’s the six-step strategy in a nutshell:

Have a clear (double) goal: “I know why I’m here!”
Stay proactive: “I’m not in school!”
Dedicate enough time: “These are my NLP years!”
Immediately implement: “Every day is NLP day!”
Maintain your sense of self-worth: “I am good!”
Fall in love with your teacher: “I want to be like you!”

With these guidelines, you’ll get the most from an NLP course. I truly hope it pays off in an enriching, foundational way for many future adventures in your life.

Best wishes,
Ralf