Metaphors

Stories That Heal the Soul

In this e-book, you’ll learn:

Why metaphors can heal the soul
The truth about metaphors
What metaphors mean and why they are so effective
How metaphors can be used in:
- individual coaching
- conflict resolution
- training contexts and lectures
- counseling sessions
- child rearing
How to construct a metaphor—step by step
Tips for presenting metaphors in a training context

Author Stefie Rapp and publisher Stephan Landsiedel wish you lots of fun and enjoyment while reading and experimenting!

During my NLP Master training, I became consciously aware of “metaphors” for the first time. Fascinated from the very first moment, I fell in love with them, a relationship that continues to this day.

Why Metaphors?

By delving deeper into the topic of “metaphors,” I recognized how powerful and helpful using a metaphor can be, and I’ve been using them daily in my professional context ever since: during training, to illustrate concepts; in individual coaching, to find solutions in a figurative or metaphorical sense; and in conflict resolution as well as employee conversations, to give the other party the opportunity to discover their own “solution” or “truth.”

I would now like to share this insight with you, providing you with tools to quickly develop fitting metaphors.

The Truth About Metaphors

“Truth knocked on people’s doors, but nobody let it in because it was naked. The parable found the truth alone and freezing. It took the truth home. There, it dressed the truth in a story. When the truth knocked on people’s doors again, they opened up, and they all sat around the fire together late into the evening.”

(Author unknown)

This chapter is like visiting a garden center where different seeds are for sale. You can choose which type of seeds you want to purchase and which fruits or flowers should grow from them. You alone decide whether your seeds will sprout and bear fruit or be forgotten.

Meaning:

The word “metaphor” translates as a “transferred figurative expression.” The term comes from the Greek “metaphorá,” which means “to carry elsewhere” and “transfer.”

Example:

Trust is like a beautiful porcelain cup. If it falls and breaks, it can be glued back together and used for drinking once more. But it will never be as beautiful as it once was.

I used this metaphor to illustrate to my then 7-year-old son how important it is to tell the truth, because otherwise the “trust” between him and me changes. I told him this story when I suspected he hadn’t quite stuck to the truth.

Why Are Metaphors Such a Powerful Tool in Communication with People?

They offer people a suggestion of what the truth might be.
They propose possible solutions without overwhelming the listener.
They show or illustrate concepts, structures, and situations.

Every metaphor offers meaning; it creates or deepens our understanding. It tells us a story, sometimes with just a single word or phrase. It can reveal other people’s perspectives to us. But if we fail to understand the nature of metaphors, they might do our thinking for us.

Most people will, at some point in their life, come across a metaphor that moves them deeply or stays with them for a long time.

This metaphor has moved me to this day:

“Millions of years ago, when the Earth was formed, Creation made a duck and placed it in a pond. The duck was fed and didn’t have to worry about anything, so it had no responsibility. After a while, Creation made the eagle. The eagle’s life was much more exciting. It could reach the world’s highest peaks, soar high in the sky, and enjoy its boundless freedom. However, it had to find its own food and thus assume responsibility for its own life.

Then Creation made humans and gave them the choice between living as a duck, which was boring but easy, or living as an eagle, which was exciting but demanded responsibility. But then something happened. When people looked at the duck, many of them only wanted its advantages without paying the price. They looked at the eagle, and again wanted only the eagle’s perks without paying that price either.

As a result, most people just couldn’t decide: duck or eagle? Creation made this into the human life task. Ever since, two souls have dwelled in every human heart: that of a duck, which always quacks and never looks beyond the edge of its own pond, and that of an eagle, which freely and majestically circles overhead and enjoys its freedom. Every person has both within them and knows both states: that of the duck, always seeking problems, and that of the eagle, focused on solutions.”

Metaphors Can Be Used in Almost Any Context – Here Are 5 Application Areas:

Individual Coaching – a particularly helpful question is:
“If this state were a landscape, a plant, an animal, a fairy tale, a sound, a movement, the weather, a fruit, or a sport, what would it look like?” Based on the answer, you can then continue working with the metaphor.

Example:

Client: “This state is like a bird locked in a cage.”

Coach: “What would the bird in the cage need?”

Client: “It needs more space so it can spread its wings.”

Coach: “What would give it more space to spread its wings?”

Client: “If it could leave the cage.”

Coach: “What has stopped the bird from leaving the cage until now?”

Client: “…”

2. In Conflict Resolution, Metaphors Are Often Used.

Example:

Client: “That colleague treats me like a five-year-old boy!”

Coach: “By which behavior would you recognize that you are being treated like an adult?”

Client: “…”

3. In Training Contexts and Lectures, Metaphors Ensure That Content Is Better Understood and Retained.

Participants often still remember these stories years later. They also provide entertainment, variety, and keep things lively.

Here’s an example about prioritizing the customer experience:

It’s often desired in training sessions to emphasize to employees that the customer is the top priority. Unfortunately, this is frequently underestimated in retail sales or on the phone. To illustrate this, I often say:

“In clothing stores, I often experience salespeople’s behavior that makes me realize: APPARENTLY, I’M INVISIBLE!”

4. In Counseling Sessions, Metaphors Can “Illustrate” the Facts.

An example of a manager who often placed themselves under unnecessary time pressure:

“A man, completely out of breath, runs to the boat pier, flings his suitcase onto the ferry that’s three meters away, leaps after it, pulls himself on board with his last ounce of strength and sighs, relieved: ‘I just made it!’

‘Not bad at all,’ says the sailor who observed him, ‘but why didn’t you just wait until we docked?’

5. In Child Rearing, Metaphors Are a Very Powerful Tool.

As shown by the story of the porcelain cup at the beginning.

A example of encouraging a child or teen to tap into their potential and overcome boundaries is the following story:

“At the University of Heidelberg, students conducted a flea experiment. They placed fleas in a glass container that was open at the top. Predictably, the fleas kept jumping out of the container. Several times, the students put the fleas back in, and each time, they immediately jumped out. Then, the students closed the container with a lid. Naturally, the fleas tried to escape again, repeatedly hitting their heads on the lid. After a while, they were content to remain in the container. Even when the lid was removed, they surprisingly kept their lower jump height, so they no longer left the container. Then, the students added new fleas to the container. These ‘newcomers’ took a quick look at the generally low jump height of the others and immediately adjusted their own jumps to match.”

One Situation in Which Metaphors Are Not Ideal:

That is when you’re under time pressure.

The notion that a metaphor wouldn’t work for people who focus on numbers, data, and facts was quickly disproven. These individuals often appreciate a metaphor because it provides material for the unconscious mind to work with.

The Importance of Metaphors

Why Metaphors Work

Metaphors hold great significance in communication and personal understanding.
Shamans, philosophers, prophets, and even Jesus intuitively recognized the inherent power of metaphors and made use of them.
They are employed to alter perceptions, ideas, and life attitudes.
The metaphor’s narrative distracts the rational mind (left hemisphere), allowing the message to reach the unconscious mind directly. The rational mind (left hemisphere) cannot interfere.

Constructing Metaphors

Below is a small collection of frequently encountered problem topics and potential “transfers.” During a brainstorming session, we searched for suitable metaphors. If you are dealing with difficulties in the area of learning, for example, a metaphor featuring “school, survival, little chicks...” might highlight a possible solution.

Topics and Suitable Metaphors:

Learning: school, survival, little chicks, young animals, driving a car, computers
Self-Confidence: foundation, building, predators, rock
Creativity: nature, music, theater, drawing, colors
Decision-Making: the fall of the Berlin Wall, dinner, economics, profession
Motivation: athletes, Mozart, Michelangelo, success stories
Conflicts: Gandhi, fairy tales, archetypes
Time: seasons, clock, Einstein, tree growth, the moon, children
Self-Realization: butterfly, Leonardo da Vinci, the ugly duckling, a flower

Constructing Metaphors in 7 Steps

Define the Problem:
What is the problem about? Who are the relevant people involved in this problem? Who plays which role? How does the person with the problem behave?
Define the Goal:
What does the person with the problem want to achieve? How do they want to be able to behave? How will they feel once they have reached their goal?
Choose a Suitable Content Level:
Look for a narrative level on which you can mirror the structure of the problem. Anything is possible, depending on personal preference: fairy tales, fables, science fiction, and more.
Mirror the Problem and Goal in the Content Level:
If a story is supposed to solve problems, it must structurally resemble the problem. A therapeutic metaphor basically includes the structure of the client’s problematic situation, their relationships, and the context of the problem.
Map Out the Path to the Goal:
How does the hero or heroine of your story achieve the goal? Consider resources that your metaphor’s audience could also use to reach that goal.
Write the Metaphor:
Let your imagination run wild, keeping the structure in mind.
Check the Metaphor’s Ecology:
We call a goal “ecological” if it fits into a person’s life context without resulting in negative consequences for that individual’s personal structure or social environment.

Tips for Presenting Metaphors in a Training Context

Use Body Language:
Use body language so the audience can see what you’re saying.
The Difference Between “INSIDE” and “OUTSIDE” Moments:
For an important action or reaction, always step INTO the story and SHOW that moment instead of simply describing it.

Breathing Life into Metaphors

OUTSIDE:
Speak directly to the audience. Establish eye contact with them. Use a storytelling voice and speak in the past tense.
INSIDE:
Do not address the audience directly. Avoid eye contact with them. Here, you are in an imagined reality of “here and now.” Speak in the present tense. Show personal, private behavior.

The ratio of INSIDE to OUTSIDE moments should be about 20 to 80. INSIDE moments are like seasoning—you shouldn’t use too much of them. Think of INSIDE moments as cayenne pepper: too much is too much.

Body Language, Movement, and Gesture

When you say:

“I bend down to pick up my bag” – actually bend down and pretend to pick up the imagined bag.

“I stubbed my toe on the edge of the desk” – demonstrate stubbing your toe and feeling the pain.

“I went over and opened the door” – take a few steps and pantomime opening the door.

In any context, use your voice so the audience can hear and feel what you’re saying.

Alternate between speaking quickly and slowly:

Speaking Quickly shows stress, fear that you’re at the end of your energy, disappointment or despair, impatience or urgency, anger or rage.
Speaking Slowly shows shock or disbelief, boredom or lethargy, fear or concern, controlled anger, exhaustion or fatigue, resignation or defeat.

You will see that once you start working with metaphors, you won’t want to do without them in your life. People will tell you how long your story stayed with them. You alone decide if this seed will sprout and bear fruit or if it will be forgotten. You decide whether it receives water and nutrients or not.

Take speaking pauses. If you want to emphasize a word especially strongly, pause immediately afterward. This lets the word linger.

Play with your words until you feel comfortable with them.

Stories resonate. Stories heal.

References

Story Power (Vera F. Birkenbihl)

Metaphern – Lernbuch (Alexa Mohl)

Ente oder Adler (Ardeschyr Hagmaier)

The Story Theater Method (Doug Stevenson)